[ Crow caws ]
Frankie: Date night --
when parents take a moment away from the kids
to rekindle their passion
and remember why they fell in love.
[ Sighs ] [ Beeping ]
No, that one's got shooting in it.
And nothing in the future where someone's trying to save
some future world or something.
I want movies about now.
Well, if we're making rules, no period pieces
about a guy in a cape walking through the fog.
And nothing where somebody gets sick.
No dying.
I wish Billy crystal would make another movie.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, just hold your horses, okay?
We don't usually do date night.
This is kind of a big deal for us.
[ Sighs ]
"The hundred-foot journey"?
Eh.
"Taken 3"?
No. "Annie"?
Uh-uh.
Okay, we got to pick something.
[ Machine chimes ]
No, no, no, no! I didn't --
oh. What?
[ Whirring ]
Well, I guess we're watching "the five crimes of Eleanor."
Geez. Ooh, but it's got that guy from the thing we like.
So, what do you say, one more lap around the samples,
and we call it dinner?
You spoil me, baby.
Oh, Sue, there's a package on the table for you.
Ooh, maybe it's
the "keep calm and eat ice cream" shirt I ordered.
They finally started making them in adult sizes!
Mm.
Ahh, got it. [ Laughs ]
Bow down to me, DVD player. I am your master.
Mm!
[ Sighs ]
Yeah.
[ Slow-tempo music plays ]
[ Crying ]
[ TV shuts off ]
Hey, hey, hey, honey, what's wrong?
[ Crying continues ]
It's the dress i ordered
when I was gonna go to prom with Darrin.
I am so jealous of my three-months-ago self!
Oh, Sue.
It's been so hard.
I still really miss him, you know?
Oh, honey, I know.
A-and your dad and I have been so impressed
how you've been holding it together.
But we knew it was bound to bubble up some time.
Mm.
Ugh, I thought i could bury my feelings
in work and school and Taylor swift collages,
but I think some feelings are leaking out.
[ Sighs ] I am just so sad.
Oh.
[ Beep ] [ Slow-tempo music plays ]
Mike!
What? [ TV shuts off ]
She's sad she can't go to prom.
I thought we covered it.
[ Sighs ]
Look, you can still go, you know?
It's your senior prom. You have to go.
No, it's a date thing,
and, ugh, there's no one i want to go with.
What about Brad?
No, he got asked by Tammy,
the captain of the field hockey team.
They're both going in tuxes.
[ Chuckles ] They're so funny.
No. It's over.
Prom doesn't mean anything anymore.
The year of Sue is turning into the year of suck.
[ Sobs ]
[ Scoffs ] Okay, now.
[ Sighs ] [ Beep ]
Unfortunately, date night ended
a little earlier than we planned.
Man: There's time for all that later, toots. [ Both snoring ]
But right now, what will you be drinking?
Thank you for choosing spudsy's for all your potato needs.
Hey, Logan. Welcome to spudsy's.
You know what they say.
April potatoes bring may potatoes.
I'm sorry.
I know it's lame, but I'll get written up if I don't say it.
[ Laughs ] You want the usual?
Uh, yeah, thanks.
So, how are things at Abercrombie?
[ Inhales sharply ] Cold.
I keep telling the store they got to heat it up in there,
but they're not really interested
in what the greeters have to say, so... [ Laughs ] Yeah.
How are you doing?
Well, I'm feeling a little down, but don't worry.
It won't affect your potato.
Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
There you are.
[ Register beeps, opens ] Oh.
Thank you for choosing spudsy's.
Thank you.
Sue, a moment.
Sure.
Listen, I'm gonna need you to work this Saturday
'cause it's prom.
I worked last year when you blew me off at the last minute,
but I can't this year.
I'm taking the hottest girl in school.
Well, maybe not the whole school,
but in madrigals, definitely.
Great.
Okay. Date night number two.
Mm-hmm. Let's try this again.
So, do you remember what happened before we fell asleep?
I remember the guy said,
"come with me. This is dangerous."
And the girl says, "i can't leave my home."
And he says, "you must."
What?
What are you talking about? That wasn't even in the movie.
How do you know? You were asleep.
[ Sighs ] All right.
Well, I guess we're gonna have to start at the beginning.
Ahh.
[ Beep ] [ Slow-tempo music plays ]
Mm, you smell good.
Sour cream and onion?
Yeah, I had some chips.
I had to. What was that dinner?
I don't know.
That bag was in the freezer so long, the lettering came off.
Might have been a cold pack.
Mm-hmm.
Axl: I'm telling ya, I'm thinking too small.
I am an idea guy,
and I've been ignoring my greatest resource.
[ Pops lips ]
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Boss co. Is a groundbreaking company and all,
but it's been holding me back.
I mean, Darrin's got his air-conditioning thing,
and Sean's pre-med now, but where's that gonna get him?
Uh, can you hand me those soy-sauce packets?
What are you doing?
Well, mom said i couldn't leave the kitchen
till I finished eating my dinner.
So I'm coming up with a sauce that'll make her cooking edible.
Mm.
[ Sniffs ]
Hey. That's pretty good.
But the real test, though, huh?
Put it on mom's food.
[ Laughs ]
Holy crap, you can't even taste the food. You know what?
[ Inhales deeply ]
This could be something.
This is my next big idea.
It's my big idea.
It's our big idea.
"Heck brothers old-timey cover-up sauce."
Heck brothers, yeah. I like it.
But I'm not too sure about the name "cover-up sauce."
From my brief experience working for the pretzel people,
I can tell you that might not be the best idea.
Well, then, let's product-test it.
Here. Taste this.
Oh, Brick, I am not going to eat something
when I don't even know what it is.
You make us do it all the time.
Mm. That is good.
Where'd you get the barbecue sauce?
That's what it is!
"Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce."
Yeah!
Unh! [ Laughs ]
Man: Makes me nervous. There's no stopping you.
Woman: Oh, my!
Do you understand what just happened?
I don't care, as long as they're not fighting.
No, in the movie. Is he kidnapping her?
No, she's the bad guy. Gary Cooper is the good guy.
Gary Cooper's been dead for 50 years.
No, he was in "the hangover."
Bradley Cooper.
That's what I meant.
If you don't know that when I say Gary Cooper,
I mean Bradley Cooper, then, like, what is this?
Let's just go back.
[ Sighs ]
[ Dramatic music plays ] [ Both snoring ]
So, did our potato put a smile on your face?
Sorry, we have to say that, too.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, your dress is so cute.
Thanks. I love it so much.
Ugh. Prom.
Did you have a bad time at yours?
That would be an understatement.
St. Timothy's prom was last month.
My date got drunk and threw up on a nun.
Eeeh. [ Laughs ]
They say everything goes with black.
Not true.
[ Both laugh ]
Yeah, mine's on Saturday.
I was supposed to go with my boyfriend,
but then he asked me to marry him,
and we ended up breaking up.
Wow, that's rough.
So, uh -- so you're not going to your prom?
Well, it's your senior year. You got to go.
Eh, I'll probably just work here, close up,
go home, and watch a movie with my parents.
Well, uh, maybe you could go with someone you already know.
No, all my friends are already going with dates already.
What about a friend from another school?
[ Laughs ]
When do I have time to meet someone from another school?
Someone you sell potatoes to?
Earl the security guard?
Okay, somebody you already know from another school
who you sell potatoes to.
You? Really? Are you serious?
You'd really go to my -- my prom with me?
Hey, my first prom was a disaster.
I might as well give it another shot.
O-okay, well, then, yes. [ Laughs ]
Yes, I'll go with you.
Okay.
[ Laughs ] We're going to prom!
Well, would you like to try
some of our Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce?
Goes on anything. It'd even make a rat taste good.
Mnh-mnh.
[ Sighs ]
All right, how about you just let me talk from now on?
All right, look, you're the inventor.
I'm the marketing genius.
Let's just stick to our strengths.
So what do I do, then?
Well, if you have to talk, wait until I say something,
then say, "you got that right."
It's an old-timey thing, you know?
If you're really feeling it,
throw in a "darn tootin'" now and then.
Get your Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce.
So fresh, tastes like it was made yesterday in your mom's kitchen.
Got that right.
So fresh, it could cover a rat.
What is it with you and the rat, Brick?
Look, we're not just selling barbecue sauce here.
We are developing our brand.
We're selling a lifestyle --
clothing, sunglasses, wakeboards.
Mm. You, sir!
You look like a man who appreciates
the finer things in life.
Would you care to sample
our Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce?
Mm! Not bad.
How much?
$30.
$3!
No!
I meant $3!
$3. Ugh.
[ Laughs ]
Mom, guess what.
Everyone who's going to prom
with an adorable Abercrombie greeter,
raise your hand!
That would be me!
Oh, that's great. Oh, who is he?
[ Sighs ] It's my friend, Logan.
He goes to catholic school. He's polite. He holds doors.
He throws away his scraps
and returns his tray to the top of the garbage can.
Can you believe he's nice enough to take me?
Oh, I'm so happy you have a date.
Oh, seriously, enjoy this time in your life.
In the blink of an eye, you're waking up at 4:00 A.M.
In a pool of drool on your husband's flannel shirt.
Seriously, enjoy it.
Whoo! Whoo!
Aah!
Sue Heck is going to prom! [ Laughs ]
[ Knock on door ]
Surprise, susie q, I've got good news.
Someone I know is going to her prom.
What?
My mom was talking to your mom,
and she said you didn't have a date,
so I rescheduled a test
and bailed on the intramural flag football championship
and drove straight down here from notre dame
'cause I was not about to let Sue Heck
not go to her senior prom.
Oh, um, Sean, that is so nice.
So nice.
But someone I work with actually asked me to prom,
and I said yes!
Oh! Okay.
That's fine. I'll just drive back.
I might stop by and have a little chat with my mom
about communication first, but it's all good.
The important thing is, you're going to prom
with someone else.
I am so, so sorry. I really --
no, that's okay. I'm a donahue.
I will smile through this 'cause we smile through everything.
Okay, well, um, I'm so sorry, again.
I'm so sorry.
That was so nice. Sorry.
Mom!
[ Both snoring ] Man: It is too dangerous.
Woman: Too dangerous for you.
[ Door bangs ] I'm okay!
It's official -- we are a success.
We sold all of our barbecue sauce.
Brick: Got that right.
That's our slogan. It's old-timey.
We had a good rat one, too,
but it's on the back burner for now.
[ Sighs ]
Why are they skiing?
Go back.
[ Sighs ]
Now, what you want is eye-level placement.
That's your premium shelf.
Huh.
I'm gonna turn these bottles around
so that way, people can't read the labels.
Now you're getting it, Brick.
Yeah.
Excuse me. What are you doing?
Hi, I'm axl Heck.
We just happen to have the best barbecue sauce money can buy,
and we have chosen the frugal hoosier
as the flagship provider for our launch
of Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce.
We sold 11 jars of the stuff at the swap meet,
so you know it's good.
Yeah, I don't know what you think you're doing,
but there is a process
to getting your food on the shelves.
Is this stuff even fda approved?
I'm sorry. I thought this was America.
Darn tootin'.
Woman: Clark to register two, please.
Clark to register two.
It's sticking again.
Pack it up, fellas.
Ah, ch, ch, ch, ch.
Hello, sir. Hmm?
Are you shopping for barbecue sauce?
Indeed I am, but there's just so many choices.
Hmm, well, i can tell you
the best barbecue sauce I've ever tasted is this one.
Heck brothers old-timey barbecue sauce.
Hmm, I do love a good family business. Mm.
But I notice some of these other sauces are fda approved.
Oh, they're fda approved, all right,
but if you're anything like me,
you want the government out of your barbecue sauce.
As soon as the government goes in, the flavor comes out.
That certainly makes a lot of sense to me.
I'm going to buy two bottles.
Hmm.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Uh, you don't pay for that at the register.
It's old-timey. You pay for it in the alley.
Hmm.
So, now that I'm going to prom,
I was wondering if you could cover my shift.
Oh, when did you get fired?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-i agree the slogans are corny,
but you did sign the potato pledge.
Looks like we're out of mustard.
Well, I'll put it on the list.
And put Froot Loops on there, too.
They're not in my barbecue sauce.
I know, but I like them, and i don't have any up at school.
Mm.
[ Door opens, closes ] Oh, good. You're home.
Okay, so, I made us a chart of what we can piece together
from the movie so we don't have to start from the beginning.
Or we can just not watch the movie at all.
Mike, it's date night.
I think we're working too hard for this.
Didn't we get married so we didn't have to work this hard?
We know what the goal of date night is.
Let's just do that and go to sleep happy.
Okay, Mike, that is so unromantic.
Just study the damn chart,
and we'll get there when we get there.
So, Becca, just how inflamed is your spleen?
Axl: Listen, you guys heading out right now,
'cause me and Brick need some things from the store.
10 bottles of ketchup, 3 packs of pixy stix,
a jar of peanut butter, preferably creamy.
Okay, I hate to break it to you, Heck brothers,
but you can buy your own supplies.
Oh, my god. You are so not supportive of our endeavors.
This is a rock-solid business model.
Everything we're raking in is pure profit.
Pure profit 'cause you're using our ingredients and our jars.
Once you two clowns start paying for your own supplies,
you'll see how difficult it is to actually run a business.
Okay, fine, we won't use the jars.
We'll use, uh, ziploc bags. We'll be a green company.
People can refill them.
Got any more nos you want us to turn into opportunities?
Sue: Please! You're my last hope!
I mean, there's no one else left to call!
Come on!
You can cHeck into rehab any day.
[ Dial tone ]
[ Telephone beeps ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Sobbing ]
Okay. Okay, I am just about ready to close.
We're pretty late,
but there will still be plenty of time for dancing,
so I'm just gonna go in the back and change into my dress
so we can get out of here right at 9:00.
Sounds like a plan.
Thank you so much for this.
And can I just say, i didn't think it was possible,
but you look even better in clothes.
Ah. Come on.
[ Laughs ]
If someone throws you a knife, you catch it by the handle.
What did I say about stabbing your brother?
I was trying to help him.
He needed it to cut onions,
but now he's telling me he can't remember the recipe
for our awesome barbecue sauce.
I'm sorry. I was in the creative zone the first time.
I just went with the flow.
All right, you know what? I'm a marketing guy. I can work with this.
Uh...
[ Snaps fingers ]
So homemade, it tastes different every time.
Brick, write that down.
Okay, axl, you've wasted enough time on this.
don't you have some schoolwork you should be doing?
How should I know? I haven't been to class.
[ Scoffs ] What?
Dad, this is more important than any class.
At a certain point, a person learns all they need to know,
and classes just get in the way.
I might not even be going back to college in the fall.
Oh, you'll be going back to college
a lot sooner than the fall.
You're going tomorrow.
Come on, think about all the people
who dropped out of college and made it big.
Mark Zuckerberg... Mm-hmm.
...bill gates, Jean-Claude Van damme.
There's a lot of highway between
a computer that changes the world
and barbecue sauce in a bag.
We sold 20 jars of this barbecue sauce,
so if that's not a sign i should drop out of college,
I don't know what is.
Yeah, well...
Take this is a sign that that's not happening.
What --
Heck brothers are done.
If Paul Newman had you for a dad,
he never would have invented salad dressing,
and no one would know who he is.
Dream squasher!
[ Sighs ]
Sue: Thank you so much for helping.
You really saved us some time.
No problem.
Okay. Whew.
I'm ready!
[ Sighs ]
Wow.
You, uh -- you look really pretty.
Thank you.
You look really pretty, too.
Oh.
Well, should we go?
Yeah. I want to get there and get a picture of you.
I mean, of us. [ Chuckles ]
I just need to shut everything down. Okay.
Okay.
Ahh.
Mm.
[ Sighs ] This one always gives me problems.
Oh.
Oh! Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no. Okay.
Oh, no, no! No!
Uh...
[ Gasps ]
Uh... No, no, stay back!
You're too pretty! I don't want you to get dirty.
Uh, I'll, uh, get a bucket.
Yeah. No, no. No!
Oh, god. Aah!
Aah!
Are you kidding me?!
Oh!
Aah!
Stop, please.
Oh, my...
Oh!
You know, there's a million books
about how to deal with your kids,
but there's no books about how to deal with your parents.
Hey, you might be onto something.
Forget barbecue sauce. That could be our next project.
Really? Yeah. You like books.
You could write it, and I'd look good on the cover.
"How to deal with your problem parents" by the Heck brothers.
"Chapter one -- living with a dream squasher."
Mm-hmm. [ Laughs ]
"Chapter two -- living with a nag."
That's mom. Yeah.
"Chapter three -- living with a nag and a dream squasher."
So, both of them.
I can't believe this!
You were so nice to me,
and you offered to take me to prom,
and you rented a tux, and now --
[ laughs ]
I'm sorry.
I'm having a great time.
Still way better than cleaning up an angry nun.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, maybe we're just not destined
to have any luck with proms.
We're 0 for 2.
Not necessarily.
Got a fountain. Dance floor.
[ Laughs ]
Would you like to dance?
Oh, no.
Ugh. I'm all... And you're all...
You don't have to do all that just for me.
Sue [Chuckles] don't you get it?
Why do you think i come into spudsy's every day?
Do you know how hard I have to work...
♪ This is no word ♪ ...To keep this after I eat all those potatoes?
[ Chuckles nervously ]
♪ To show you how ♪ i-i eat them so I can talk to you.
♪ No song ♪ i like you, Sue.
♪ That's come from David's crown ♪ really?
[ Chuckles ]
♪ I'll take my soul ♪
[ Chuckles ]
♪ And pour it out ♪ who needs prom?
Exactly.
♪ At your feet ♪ although I would have liked to have gotten a photo.
Not a problem.
♪ I'll wait patiently ♪ say cheese.
[ Both laugh ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
♪ For you ♪ [ Laughs ] Aww.
That's cute enough.
[ Laughs ]
♪ Oh, I will ♪
♪ forever and always ♪
♪ put you before me ♪
♪ till the end of time ♪
Ow. Ooh.
Ow. Ow. Oh, man.
Ohh.
[ Sighs ]
You know what their problem is?
They're making these movies too long.
I'm telling you -- we should just watch TV.
Half-hour comedies -- that's the way to go.
No, the real problem is
we're trying to have date night in our house.
You're right. We should know better.
No fun can be had here.
Yeah, we need to get out, have a real date night.
[ Gunshots ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Both snoring ]
Man: Move it! Move it now!