[ Crow caws ]
Where are we going again?
Nowhere.
That doesn't make sense. You can't go nowhere.
You got to go somewhere.
I told you, Axl. We're out for a Sunday drive.
I'm sorry. I'm not getting this. Are you guys getting this?
It's a drive. There's nothing to get.
Well, are we gonna stop for lunch?
No, then we'd be going to lunch.
And this is not going to lunch. It's a drive.
But what is the point?
The point is to go for a drive.
You breathe the air, you look at the scenery.
We used to do it all the time when we were kids.
Oh, my god. Is this a mom idea?
Definitely smells like a mom idea.
She's always looking to make memories on the cheap.
Actually, it was your dad's idea,
so feel free to direct any complaints to him.
Hey, how about we kick things up with a car game.
20 questions.
Oh, I'll start. Why are we doing this?
Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Why are we --
so, we're really not going anywhere?
We seriously have no destination? [ Sighs ]
Nope. This is it.
We're driving. The drive is what's fun.
But this isn't fun.
Axl: See, this is what happens when people get to a certain age.
They just scroll through their past
looking for something to prove their whole life wasn't a waste.
It's a death drive.
Oh, and because their bodies have betrayed them,
they need something easy
so they don't have to walk up stairs and stuff.
We're not 100!
Well, those of us in the prime of life
don't have time for this! Ugh!
I got to get out of these church clothes.
It's like fire on my body!
Sue: Yeah, look, i got to get home.
I'm designing my senior page for the yearbook.
I'm gonna have inspirational quotes in the corners
and then my silhouette in the center of the page
and then my name going down the side
with a word for each letter.
S-u-e. "So ugly every day."
You're welcome. Mom!
Mike. Axl.
[ Gasps ] Oh!
And I didn't even tell you the best part.
Brad and I are gonna go out to the big polyurethane cow
and sit on top of it wearing sombreros!
Ha!
Shh! don't tell anybody.
Why are you wearing sombreros?
Because it's funny.
Yeah, I'm not sure about that.
Uh, I'm pretty sure it is.
You guys think it's funny, right?
I don't think anything is funny.
Okay. We're wearing sombreros because it's señor cow.
Señor? Because we're seniors?
Get it?
Save your energy, Sue.
It's never gonna be as good as mine.
Just drew a big picture of the buttronauts and said,
"see you on the backside."
I hate myself, but that is funny.
Aww, that's where there used to be that corn stand
where we'd buy that really good corn, remember?
Yeah, that sure was good corn.
What did I tell you? Death drive.
Oh, Axl, I need you to go back to school
and pick up the sombrero that dad
brought back from gatlinburg for my picture.
Remember, you took it up to school?
Even though I told you it was special and not to take it?
God, whatever. Fine.
Seriously, guys -- you're not gonna top the corn.
You've had your little drive down geriatric Lane.
How about we wrap this thing up?
Hey, every time someone complains,
we're adding 20 minutes to the drive.
You wouldn't.
I got a full tank and an empty bladder.
I can go all day. [ Kids groan ]
Frankie: So, the Sunday drive
didn't exactly make the memories we were hoping for.
[ Door closes ] But it did have one unexpected benefit.
Oh, hi, dad. Just walking to the library.
I know I said I might need a ride, but I don't.
Happy to walk.
Happy to walk everywhere from now on, actually.
So how come I'm getting a letter from the school
addressed to "the parents of Brick heck"?
What weird stuff did you do now?
It really could have been any number of things.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on.
How about you stay here while we find out why you...
Got "athlete of the month"?
What the hell?
Athlete of the month? Really? Hmm.
I don't get it.
Was it a written-test sort of thing?
Did they move you to the special gym class?
'Cause that has been discussed.
No, but come to think of it, i have kind of been doing
what I'm supposed to be doing lately.
Instead of faking a stomach cramp and reading on the toilet,
I've actually been participating.
Really?
Hmm. Nice medal.
If I had known sports had such interesting fonts,
I would have gotten involved in a basketball match
a lot sooner.
Thanks. Thanks a lot. We're very proud.
We are? Ooh. [ Beep ]
What are we proud of?
So, I talked to the P.E. Teacher.
And apparently, it's legit.
He says he likes what he's been seeing lately
and he felt Brick earned athlete of the month.
[ Chuckles ] That's great. Odd, but great.
Right?
But, you know, come to think of it,
I've noticed him getting stronger lately.
The other day, he popped the top off a pudding cup
like it was nothin'.
It's still Brick, Mike. don't get too excited.
I know. I know. But think about it.
It's possible the genes are just kicking in late.
I mean, I didn't hit 6 feet till halfway through high school.
So who knows, Frankie?
He might just be my kid after all.
Yep, Mike was feeling pretty good about Brick.
And I was feeling pretty good about the triple Decker
bacon burger I snagged on my way home.
I'd been craving one since Mike wouldn't let us stop there
during our lame Sunday-drive idea.
Stupid integrity.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
I'm not hungry, so you guys are on your own for dinner!
Sue: All you ever do is think of yourself!
Axl: You already have like a gazillion pictures!
Besides, high school doesn't even matter.
Just wait till you get to college. That's what matters.
You always say that!
You said it when I was in elementary school,
you're saying it when I'm in high school.
Apparently, whatever stage of life I'm in
is the one that doesn't really matter!
Mom, Axl drove back to campus
and didn't bring back the sombrero!
What? Axl, why would you go all the way up there and not get it?
Look, I am on my mid-semester break.
I'm here to eat free food and have you do my laundry,
not be harassed with all these demands! [ Sighs ]
I went for a quick trip to get my Japanese throwing stars,
and I forgot to look for the stupid sombrero!
Okay, Sue, he forgot.
Hey, why don't you guys wear sailor hats and sit on the cow?
I'm sure Brad has a couple of those lying around.
That would be funny.
Yeah, Brad's got like a hundred sailor hats.
But tell me, how would that be funny?
Sailor cow? Yeah, that makes sense.
I told him I needed that sombrero, but he doesn't listen!
Mom, you know that is true.
He never listens to me!
Okay, okay, okay!
Axl, maybe you could go back up and get the hat.
That would be a nice thing to do for your sister.
I'm not even sure I have it anymore, you mental case.
What? You lost the family sombrero?!
I don't know! Look, we were celebrating cinco de February
and it might have been used as a dip bowl.
Oh, my god, mom, why is she being so nuts about this?
You have to understand, Axl,
this is Sue's senior year and it's really important to her.
Maybe we could just find another sombrero.
But that's the one that means something to me!
I can't just sit on the cow in a random sombrero!
Axl, think! Did hutch put it somewhere?!
Did you put it somewhere?! Did Kenny -- shut up! Shut her up!
Sue, just -- oh, why are you taking his side?!
I'm not! I understand you're upset!
Why are you taking her side?! I'm not taking her side.
I'm just trying to -- oh, mom!
Stop! Forget it. You don't get it.
Yeah, you really don't.
I can't win, Mike. I just can't win.
They drag me into the middle of their fights
and then they take it all out on me.
I'm telling you,
I really got to fan the flames of this Brick thing.
I was thinking of taking him out,
find out what sport he's best suited to. I mean, sure.
They act like they want my help.
They don't want my help.
I'm not saying football. That's nuts.
And by the way, who brings back one sombrero?
You don't bring a sombrero back
unless you've got sombreros for everybody.
What are you talking about?
Axl and Sue. What are you talking about?
Brick. Did you forget our son won athlete of the month?
[ Scoffs ]
Sure, it's for February, the shortest month, but still.
Yeah, yeah, it's whack-a-mole, Mike.
Oh, Brick's doing good,
but the other two are ripping each other to shreds.
When is it gonna end?
Right now they're fighting over a sombrero.
Next thing, they're fighting over our caskets.
We're not gonna be around forever.
I'm hearing we won't be around to hear 'em fight.
[ Sighs ] This is serious, Mike.
They're going to the same college next year.
I mean, I'm sick of being in the middle
and trying to defend everybody.
Well, who's in the wrong here?
I don't know. Sue's being a little nutso about the hat.
It's really not that big of a deal.
Okay. That's what you should have told Axl.
What? No. No way.
Why not? [ Scoffs ]
Because you don't badmouth one kid to the other, Mike.
You just don't. I don't know.
If you're just playing everybody's side,
what good are you?
If they're looking to you for an honest opinion,
maybe it's not a bad idea to just give it.
Might help them wrap it up faster.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, you should listen to me.
The kid I'm in charge of is on fire.
[ Grunts ]
I guess when you're a mom,
it's hard to see your kids as adults,
no matter how old they are.
But Mike was right -- they were growing up,
and maybe it was time to start treating them that way.
[ Grunts ]
Hi, you got a second? Sure.
Here, hold your arms like this.
I'll throw one right through.
Yeah, not happening.
Listen, I just wanted to talk to you
about what went down before,
about the whole sombrero thing.
Ugh, I am this close to finding a new place to do my laundry.
Look, I just want you to know it may not seem like it,
but I understand your frustration, okay?
You know I love Sue with all my heart.
But believe me, I am very aware that she can be a little...
Relentless.
Yes! Thank you!
I know.
She gets a hold of something, and she will not let it go.
She's all, "wah, wah, wah, it's my senior year!
Let's have a weekly game night!
You guys, we have to help Africa!"
But that's just who she is.
She's like an excited, confused puppy
who's running in all directions, bumping into walls.
Finally! [ Chuckles ]
So, what do you want to do about it?
Should we remove her from society,
scoop out a part of her brain? Look, I get it.
I know sometimes it can be very annoying for you,
but you're two years older.
So, maybe the next time she's being all Sue
and getting on your nerves,
you can just take a deep breath and let it roll off your back.
Be the bigger person.
Yeah. I guess I could do that.
Oh, great.
See, isn't this nice
when we can talk to each other like adults?
Mm-hmm. [ Chuckles ]
Oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Let's make this an outside toy.
So, Brick, listen.
Since you won this award, I was thinking we should get out there
and, you know, practice some stuff.
What sport would you say you're best at?
Hmm.
I'd have to say tennis.
Tennis? Makes sense.
More of a gentleman's sport, less about power,
more about hand-eye coordination.
Catch.
All right. Still got stuff to work on.
But at least you didn't scream that time.
So...Progress.
Hmm.
"Relentless"? You think I am relentless?!
What are you talking about?
Axl said you said I'm relentless!
Is that true? Did you say that, mom?
Did you really say that?
W-w-well...Yes, but I was said it in a completely positive way,
like "relentless" being strong and never giving up.
There are so many people who are relentless --
Hillary Clinton is relentless, Eleanor Roosevelt, relentless,
that girl who got her arm bit off by a shark and is still surfing.
How relentless is that?
I mean, there are so many relentless heroes.
But there are better words to use than "relentless."
There's "driven," there's "tenacious" --
really? You think "tenacious" is better than "relentless"?
My grandma used to call me relentless all the time.
"I love you, you're so relentless."
I liked it.
Oh, we'd laugh and have hot chocolate together.
You want some hot chocolate?
Well, then how come you never said it to me,
but you said it to Axl?
'Cause I say all kinds of things
about you guys to each other.
Did he also say I love you? 'Cause I also said I love you.
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Do other people say "relentless"?
Did dad say it? Has a teacher ever said it?
Did you read it in a progress report somewhere?
No, no, no.
It's my own great, really positive word just for you.
Axl didn't say it like it's a positive thing.
Well, you kids and your slang.
"Bad," "phat" -- now "sick" is a good thing.
[ Chuckling ] I was late to that one.
Well, clearly you said "relentless"
and that's a person who can't let go of things,
and I let things go.
"Let it go" from "frozen" is my favorite song,
and how could it be my favorite song if I didn't let things go?
That wouldn't make any sense. [ Scoffs ]
This isn't over!
All right, Brick. This is important.
Sports is a great teacher of life.
It teaches you that there's winners and there's losers.
And it's very clear -- if you don't win, you're a loser.
Your mom will tell you it's how you play the game.
She's wrong.
Got it. Yeah, you do.
Now you won athlete of the month,
you got a little taste, you might even want to win it again.
I mean, your coach isn't one of those guys
that makes sure everybody gets it once, is he?
No, no. You really have to earn it.
All right. Get your stuff out.
Let's do this. Let's have some fun.
Ahh.
What are those?
Oh, books about tennis.
I've got the Arthur ashe biography,
"so you want to play tennis,"
and "the grapes of wrath" in case these are boring.
W-where's your racket?
I'm sorry. What do you mean?
Uh, I said, "we're gonna go out and hit."
Yeah, hit the books.
I don't do anything without reading about it first.
I...Can't believe you didn't bring a racket.
I know I saw you put a can of balls in there.
Oh, no.
This is pringles,
in case we get hungry from reading and need a snack.
All right.
Knock, knock.
Remember, I promised you a cup of hot chocolate yesterday?
I made a smiley face with the little marshmallows
the way you like.
No, thank you.
I'm putting together a list of 100 reasons
why I am not relentless.
[ Sighs ]
Listen, Sue.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have talked to Axl about you.
It was just wrong, and I don't know why I did it.
And I should have known better, 'cause the truth is,
I love your brother, but he can be kind of a jackass.
Oh, thank you!
Sometimes I think i am the only one that notices.
Oh, no, trust me. We all notice.
But the thing you have to remember
is that even though you're younger,
you're way more mature than he is.
He's 20, but he can be a bit of a baby.
But listen, we don't need to talk about it.
Nobody needs to say anything.
It'll be just something that we --
Axl, mom thinks you're a jackass!
What? Yeah.
She just told me. Uh, uh, no.
Here's the thing --
well, did mom tell you she said you were a dumb puppy?
[ Gasps ] What?
I didn't say "dumb."
I said "excited and cute."
Who doesn't want to be compared to a puppy?
Well, did mom tell you she called you a big baby?
Oh, yeah? I'm a baby?
You're a baby!
I said "a bit of a baby"!
We should all strive to be more childlike.
It's magical!
[ Door slams ]
[ Sighs ]
I don't know, Brad. It's higher than I thought.
We have to do this, Sue. It's super important.
When we're older,
we're gonna look at our yearbooks all the time.
[ Sighs ] I'm just sorry
I don't have my good sombrero from gatlinburg.
But it was really nice of the manager at taco Jason's
to let me borrow this off the wall.
[ Sighs ] No, I'm the one who's sorry, Sue.
Ohh, the sombrero is the only hat I only have one of.
It's all right.
Let's just do this quick before somebody sees us.
[ Crow caws ]
Come on. Come on. Hurry, Brad.
don't worry, I've got plenty of --
[ camera shutter clicks ]
Do you think it took yet?
I don't know how much longer i can sit in this crow poop.
Oh, I know. It's disgusting.
Somebody should clean this thing.
[ Gasps ] Oh, my god!
We should start a community project to clean the cow.
[ Gasps ] Sue, that is a great idea!
Love, love, love.
Okay, it has to have taken by now.
Yeah. [ Sighs ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Eight Mississippi,
seven Mississippi, six Mississippi... Okay, okay.
...five -- no, no! Hey, no, no, no! Shh! Shh!
Get out of here! Hey! Shoo!
Woof, woof! Woof, woof!
What are crows scared of?
[ Gasps ] Scarecrows!
Ooh. Right, right, right. [ Clears throat ]
♪ I could wile away the hours, conferring with the flowers ♪
♪ consulting with the rain ♪
[ Drumming ]
♪ And my head, I'd be scratching ♪
♪ while my thoughts were busy hatching ♪
♪ if I only had a brain ♪
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my god! I think this is it!
I know. Okay. Hand on hip, arm up, smile!
Ooh, wait. The ladder's in the picture.
[ Gasps ] Oh!
[ Ladder clatters ]
Olé! Olé!
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Oh, my god! We did it! Oh, my god! Yeah!
[ Laughs ] We rule! Señor cow!
Okay. All right.
Oh.
So, when you're really in trouble,
who do you call that you know will always be there for you
no matter what you've been through?
Well, first you call mom, then dad, grandma, grandpa...
[ Car door closes ] ...Other grandpa, reverend timtom,
rusty, Carly, Nancy donahue,
the manager at taco Jason's... Then finally, Axl.
Hey, losers. How bad do you want to get down?
Let the bidding begin.
[ TV chatter ]
There's my boy. [ Door closes ]
And still wearing his gym clothes.
Yeah, i had gym last period
and I couldn't find my pants again.
Eh, that's okay, you --
you -- Brick, why does it say "tobolski" on your shorts?
Oh, he's my gym locker partner.
He keeps taking my shorts, so I just wear his.
Wait.
You're wearing his shorts, and he's wearing yours?
That is correct.
Let me ask you something, Brick.
Is this kid tobolski a good athlete?
Oh, yeah.
When we run the mile, he's definitely in front of the pack.
I usually just run a few feet and then disappear
in the bushes, where I've hidden a book.
Smart, huh?
Mm-hmm, and what did your teacher say
about you wearing each others' shorts?
Well, he doesn't really know us,
so he just shouts out whatever name's on our shorts.
Aha. So he calls you...? Tobolski.
And he calls tobolski...?
Heck, I guess.
Again, I'm not always around to see it
'cause I'm frequently faking a leg cramp
to get a banana from the nurse's office.
[ Clicks tongue ] Brick, don't you get it?
Ohh. So you're saying...
That's right.
You didn't win that medal. Your shorts did.
Wow. So I did that whole jumping Jack for nothing?
Hmm.
You're not really gonna take my $10, are you?
I'm not a monster.
You can pay me back in installments.
[ Chuckles ] I'm just kidding.
Despite what mom says, I'm not that much of a jackass.
She doesn't really think you're a jackass.
She was just saying that to make me feel better
about being relentless.
Well, hey, you're not...
W-- [ Chuckles ]
You've got a lot of good qualities.
Oh, no.
I know I was bugging you about the sombrero.
Ugh. I should have brought it home, but I really did forget.
You know, i don't get it.
Why is mom always up in our business, anyway?
Probably 'cause she doesn't want us to grow up.
I mean, she's been a mom forever.
It's all she knows.
God, that's sad. Ugh.
And once I'm gone, she's only gonna have Brick to focus on.
Poor guy.
Hey, maybe once we're both up at college,
I could pick you up from your dorm
and we can drive home every once in a while.
You know, let mom do a little mothering.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah.
So...I will be seeing you at college?
[ Breathes deeply ]
Well, I know where a lot of stuff is.
You'll probably get lost a lot, so, yeah, probably.
Well, that would be nice.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Hey, this isn't the way home. Where are we going?
Nowhere. It's a nice day out.
I thought it would be nice to drive around for a bit.
Okay.
What's that move called again?
A lay-up.
And that's worth two points, right?
Yes, always worth two points,
unless you're beyond the three-point line.
And where is that?
You really want to know this stuff?
Yeah. I really do.
Okay.
Three-point line is way back here.
Three, two, one.
Whoa. [ Laughs ]
Can I try one?
Sure.
As a rookie, you're gonna want to be closer to the basket.
There you go.
Here?
Whoa. Okay. Well, it wasn't bad.
Your form is good.
You're just gonna want to get a little more behind it.
I think you've got my follow-through, though.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
I think I need to work on keeping my eyes open, though.
Yeah. Work on that later.
Heck with the game on the line...
[ Grunts ]
Hey! Whoo-hoo!
The crowd goes wild! Yes.
Young heck in his first game ever.
Do it again? Yeah, I hope so.
Okay.
[ TV chatter ] Oh, good.
You're back. Listen, I'm out.
I'm out!
You two are gonna stop putting me in the middle of your crap.
All I wanted was for you two to get along.
What's so wrong about that?
And you're gonna need to get along,
'cause let me tell you something.
The world is an open sewer,
and the only ones that are gonna fish you out are your family.
Ugh, look at your faces. You don't care. Fine. Fine.
Why am I even talking?
Love each other, don't love each other.
It's your life. I'm out. I'm out!
Look, you know how I feel about your mother,
but here's the thing --
she can sometimes be... A little unhinged.
Mm, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can see that.
Still love her, but...You know? Yeah, yeah.
Must be hard sometimes.
Yeah. She gets crazy. Sometimes, it is.
She is a little crazy. Well, I didn't say "crazy." I said "unhinged."
But forget I ever said that. No, thanks.
They're synonyms, aren't they?