What?
Mm.
What do you think?
I just...
Go on.
I just... - Go on.
I...
I just can't believe you did that.
I know.
So good to see you. - We're over the moon.
Hey, good to see you. - Love the shirt.
Who is that?
Ooh, is this a, uh... - Don't. Come on.
Ooh!
Thank you.
What's happened with the priest?
Oh, pretty. - Hi. Oh.
Nothing.
Oh, so good of you to come and get me.
Get you? - Uh, see me.
Hi, Jake. - Where's Claire?
Just there.
Your dad's just down there.
Nice skirts.
Do you need me to say anything emotional about today?
No, no. We're good. - I think we're alright, thanks.
Do you want tequila? I'm gonna get one. - Hi. Nice to...
How was Klare?
Well, he's crazy about me
so that's a nightmare. - Nightmare.
He's back to Finland today anyway, which is good.
It's fine. It's totally fine. - Sounds like it's fine.
It is.
It's gonna be a lovely day, isn't it? - I'm afraid so.
This is my very interesting friend Daniel, who's deaf.
I picked him up at a student gallery opening.
Utterly fascinating.
Can't hear a thing but is a fabulous physical communicator
through hands and lips.
Oh! Oh...
Oh, I love that.
And this is my extraordinary friend Francine.
She's a lesbian.
And this is Asif, my bisexual Syrian refugee friend
who you haven't actually met yet, darling. - Hi.
And, Asif, this is, um...
Oh, my God. This is...
This is... God, how extraordinary. I just... I always call you "darling."
This is the love of my life.
Hi.
Is there somewhere I can put this? - We said no presents!
Oh, you're such a sweetheart.
She's a natural rule breaker.
Not today. - No.
Ah, well, I've been trying to get rid of it for ages, so...
Oh.
Thank you.
I'm going to open it over a bin so I've got somewhere to put the paper.
Um, come with me.
Uh, are you short on staff or what?
Do you need me, or...? - No.
I just wondered if you had a little show planned.
What? - Well, you normally do.
And I wondered if there was anything I might need to know about
that might happen later.
No.
Good.
Well, let me know if you change your mind
because today is the most important day of my life.
And I love your father very much.
And I imagine you'd rather have me looking after him
in the years to come than having to do it yourself.
So, no more miscarriages.
It's worth a lot, so...
Thank you.
I'll go and put her straight back on her shelf.
D'you know, I often thought it strange that of all my pieces
you chose to take her.
Why? - She was based on your mother.
So nice to have her back in the house.
Oh. - Oh, fuck!
Oh! God. Fuck, you're here. - Oh, Jesus.
I thought you were a fox.
You're not. - No. Are you...
I didn't know you were... - No, no, I'm fine. Sorry. I...
No, I just didn't want to... I'm practicing the homily.
How's it going? - Not good. Not good.
I can't, I can't...
You look lovely.
Thank you. So do you.
Wait till you see me in the full... shebang.
You're gonna lose your fucking mind.
We just need to get through this bit, and then we can...
We can... - Yeah.
Better get changed. - Yeah.
Good luck.
Oh, my God. - What?
You have lipstick all... - Oh, fucking hell.
That would not look good. Is it gone?
Where?
Oh, fucking hell.
I don't know, I don't know...
Oh, I don't know what this feeling is.
Is it God, or is it me? - I don't know.
I don't know.
Fuck you, then.
Where's your priest? - Oh. I don't know.
You OK?
Yes, well, um... I hate my husband
and the man I love is on his way to Finland, so pretty weird.
Oh, way to upstage the bride!
Tried my best.
Cute dress.
Oh, look!
Whoo!
This is our very chic priest. - Oh, good, I was aiming for chic.
Particularly good around the, uh... - Thank you.
Father, you remember Martin.
Hey, how you doing, man? - Bit nervous, Martin.
Do you know Jake?
Yes, hello, Jake. How are you? - Father.
And this is my very interesting friend Lucy, who is a surrogate.
- Hello, Interesting Lucy. - Weird.
And this is my unstable step-daughter
who's had a miscarriage. - Nice to see you again.
You, too. - But you knew that. You were there.
It was my miscarriage.
What?
It was my fucking miscarriage.
Yes, I thought you'd find that funny.
How interesting. - She was just covering for me.
We were pregnant? - For a few weeks, yes.
It was my baby? - Sorry, so you haven't had a miscarriage?
No. Sorry.
Wait, what the fuck is going on here? It-it was my baby?
I guess it was your baby's way of saying it didn't want you as its father.
Like a goldfish out of the bowl sort of thing.
Sorry, but whoever had a miscarriage
could you take it to the kitchen, please?
No. Don't follow me, Jake.
Oh, and this is over.
Ah!
Ooh.
You're leaving me. - No, no, no.
Yes! - Are you drunk?
Yes. - Are you sober?
A bit. Could you just fuck off...
Oh, absolutely not. - OK, no, no.
I'm staying right here.
I want you to leave me. - Listen to me. I just, I have...
I think he has a little speech. - I have a little speech
that's building here.
Now, I know you look at me and you see a bad man with a big beard.
You are an alcoholic, and you tried it on with my sister.
Fine. I tried to kiss your sister on her birthday.
- My birthday! - Fine!
I mix up birthdays, and I have an alcohol problem
just like everyone else in this fucking country!
But I am here, and I do things.
I pick up Jake from shit.
I make dessert for Easter.
I organise the downstairs toilet.
I fired the humming cleaner.
You enjoyed that. - I hoover the car.
I put up all your certificates
and I don't make you feel guilty for not having sex with me.
I am not a bad guy!
I just have a bad personality. It's not my fault.
Some people are born with fucked personalities.
Look at Jake.
He is so creepy. It's not his fault.
Why the bassoon?
You want to know what the bassoon is?
It's a cry for help!
The main fucking problem here is that you don't like me.
And that has been breaking my fucking heart for 11 years.
I love you. I make you laugh.
I'm a douche, but I make you laugh.
You said that that was the most important thing!
I think the thing that you hate the most about yourself
is that you actually love me.
So, I am not going to leave you
until you are down on your knees
and begging me.
Please leave me!
Oh, man.
I didn't think you'd do that in that dress.
Right. Well...
I guess the only thing left for me to say is...
Fuck you.
What have you done with him? - Who?
Your father.
The wedding is about to start and no one can find him anywhere.
Um... - Can you do something?
Please. Please.
Please.
Garden. - Upstairs.
OK.
Dad?
Dad.
I can't get out.
OK, Dad, you can.
I can't. It's a trap.
I'm stuck. - No. Dad...
J-Just, there's nothing I can do. - Everyone will understand.
Just give them all a bottle to take home. Honestly, they will be relieved.
My foot... is stuck.
Oh.
"Everyone will understand"?
Um...
W-Will you help me, please? - Oh.
How is it stuck? - Just help me get it out.
I'm going to be in so much trouble.
What are you doing up here? - I'm...
I just remembered that I had left a... a friendly mousetrap
up here a few weeks ago, and I hadn't checked it
and I just wanted to make sure
that one little chap hadn't got, uh, trapped in it
and was, uh... was suffocating up here.
Like...
Think I've worked out what we need to do. - Well, let's do it.
Do it.
Darling.
I'll do it if you tell me why you're up here.
Just one honest answer.
I... What? What, I...
I don't think...
One full sentence.
I was checking on the mouse.
Dad.
Do you wanna make a run for it?
I can smuggle you out in one of Mum's dresses.
You would, as well.
No, I-I know she's not...
everyone's cup of tea.
And neither are you, darling.
I mean, I'm sorry...
I love you, but I'm not sure that I like you all the time.
Sorry.
Hey, you created this monster.
You're not the way you are because of me.
I know.
You're the way you are because of her.
And it's those bits that you need to cling to.
Alright, can you get my shoe out?
I just want you all to be proud of me.
We are proud of you, Dad.
You have two daughters who love you, even if you don't like them.
I like Claire.
Jesus, Dad!
Thank you. - OK...
Come on.
I-I don't think I can go...
Come on. Buck up.
Smiles, charm. Off we go.
I think you know how to love better than any of us.
That's why you find it all so painful.
I don't find it painful.
There, there, there.
OK, go, go, go.
OK, Dad.
No, don't. Stay with me.
Stay, stay.
Hi.
Darling.
Sorry.
Good afternoon, everybody.
Thank you for coming today to celebrate the love between
these two very special people.
Before we start, uh, Jake has asked to play another piece on his bassoon.
I can't do this reading.
Don't do it. - What?
I'll do it. You go and get him.
I can't go and get him.
Why not? - It's too late.
I can't leave my father's wedding.
He's called "Klare" for God's sake
and he's already at the airport anyway.
Well, there you go.
Is it "running through the airport" kind of love?
I'm not going to the airport.
He'd think I was insane. - Yeah.
I'm just saying... - The airport?
How would I even find him?
You can't get through security without a boarding pass.
No, I wasn't suggesting that... - I'd have to buy a dummy ticket
just to get through the gate.
I don't know when his flight is or which terminal.
Imagine if I knew that. Imagine him finding out I knew all that.
Imagine if he was just in Boots buying a pair of tweezers
in Terminal Five, and suddenly I was there.
"Hello, Klare."
Yeah. OK, that would be intense.
The only person I'd run through an airport for is you.
Thank you, Jake, for that beautiful bassoon piece
uh, written specially for today.
I believe it's called...
"Where's Claire?"
I think what you guys are doing is amazing.
Sorry...
Phew! Fuck me.
Sorry. Didn't get much sleep last night.
So, it turns out it's quite hard to come up with something original to say about love
but I've had a go.
Love is awful.
It's awful.
It's painful.
It's frightening.
It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself.
Distance yourself from the other people in your life.
It makes you selfish.
It makes you creepy!
It makes you obsessed with your hair.
It makes you cruel!
It makes you say and do things you never thought you would do!
There's something wrong with your priest.
It's all any of us want, and it's hell when we get there!
So no wonder it's something we don't want to do on our own.
I was taught, if we're born with love
then life is about choosing the right place to put it.
People talk about that a lot, it feeling right.
"When it feels right, it's easy."
But I'm not sure that's true.
It takes strength to know what's right.
And love isn't something that weak people do.
Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope.
I think what they mean is...
when you find somebody that you love...
it feels like hope.
Go out the side way.
Now.
So thank you for bringing us all together here today.
To take words from this book of love...
"Be strong and take heart
all you who hope in the Lord."
Um, let's get on with the big bit.
Oh. There you are.
Hi.
Huh.
Ah...
Oh, uh...
Oh, fuck it.
Thank you.
Mm.
And thank you.
Oh, the, uh, priest is looking for you.
Oh.
Don't break his heart.
Oh, well, thank you so much... - Hiya.
Oh, are you leaving? - Oh, actually, well...
I thought you were... - I was changing.
Oh, yeah. - What do you do? Do you get the...
Get the bus, or...? - Yeah, I get the bus.
On the road? - Just on the road.
I get on the bus. - Cool.
OK. - Well, bye, my daughter.
Bye, Father.
"Bye, Father."
Goodbye. - Bye.
You nailed it.
They always lie. It'll magically come in a minute.
Yeah.
They're really into each other, those two.
It's nice. - They really pulled it off.
Was your sister OK? She seemed... - Yeah. She, um...
Bit on edge. - She's run off to a work thing.
Wow. Dedicated.
Addicted.
It's God, isn't it?
Yeah.
Damn.
You know, the worst thing is...
that I fucking love you.
I love you.
No, no, don't.
No, let's just leave that out there, just for a second on its own.
I love you.
It'll pass.
This bus is not magically coming. - I think I'll walk.
OK.
Uh, see you Sunday?
I'm joking, you're never ever allowed in my church again.
I love you, too.
OK.
Ugh.
♪ I just kept hoping ♪
♪ The way would become clear... ♪
He went that way.
♪ I spent all this time ♪
♪ Trying to play, now ♪
♪ I found my way here ♪
♪ See, I've been having me a real hard time ♪
♪ But it feels so nice ♪
♪ To know I'm gonna be alright ♪
♪ So I just kept dreaming ♪
♪ Yeah, I just kept dreaming ♪
♪ It wasn't very hard ♪
♪ I spent all this time ♪
♪ Trying to figure out why ♪
♪ Nobody on my side ♪
♪ See, I've been having me a real good time ♪
♪ And it feels so nice ♪
♪ To know I'm gonna be alright ♪
♪ Now, if I wanted to ♪
♪ I'd be ♪
♪ Alright. ♪