School. It's challenging, demanding, and takes a whole lot of work.
And it can be hard on your kids too.
Jeez, Brick, what do you got in here? This thing weighs a ton.
I told you, there's been a measurable increase in workload...
now that I'm in third grade. It's really cutting into my reading time.
Okay.
Chicken nuggets. Piles of Popsicle sticks.
Oh, an ant farm.
I'm sorry. Ant cemetery.
You got a D on your math test? You don't get Ds.
Eh, what are you gonna do?
Ugh, I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna study.
Math is very important in life. You use math in everything...
Oh, even I can't say it like I believe it.
- Hey. - Hey. Look at this, a D.
Axl, get in here.
- This is Brick. - Really?
What happened, buddy? You don't get Ds.
Kind of counting on you to pull up the family average.
I'm reading at an eighth grade level. Why can't I please you people?
Just reading isn't gonna get you into college.
Oh, I'm not going to college.
I've decided to live with you guys forever.
Forever.
Well, Mike, you know what this means, don't you?
Oh, jeez.
We're gonna have to help Brick with his homework.
In our house...
helping with homework is something that's never gone well.
Write it down.
Why aren't you writing it down?
Write what you want. I don't care.
It's not my homework. It's your homework.
Well, this time, we're just gonna have to make it fun.
Write it down. Write it down. Why aren't you writing it down?
That's not how Ms. Rinsky told us to do it.
- Well, how did she say to do it, then? - I don't know!
- Just write it down! - We're supposed to show our work.
You didn't do any work. I did. You should show her a picture of me.
Are you sure there's not some other instructions...
that were sent home or something, something you might have lost?
Ugh. Oh, yeah, you know what? There is.
There's a big pack of instructions with answers to everything we'd wanna know.
And I've been hiding it from you.
- Well, go get them. - Mom!
Oh, no! It's your turn to go help Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny.
I went last week.
Last time, I accidentally drank from their denture cup...
- so that should count for two. - I'd say three.
If Aunt Edie asks me one more time if I've had my BM... Why does she care?
You know what? You two should be ashamed of yourselves.
You should wanna go over there and soak up every bit of wisdom you can get.
If I were you, I would consider it a privilege.
Then why don't you go?
Because I'm trying to teach you to respect your elders.
And I did my time.
You know? Since you're fighting about it, you're both going.
- That's not fair. - Oh, no.
I don't wanna hear another word. Go.
No, Axl...!
We're useless, Mike. We can't even help our kid with third-grade math.
Well, maybe you should go talk to his teacher and get him some help.
We were both banned, but I was banned first, so you have to go.
No, I was banned last, so you should go.
Okay. The first person to get the answer to the next problem...
doesn't have to go talk to Ms. Rinsky.
Deal. "Two trains are leaving the station at the same time..."
Fine, I'll go.
What was I worried about?
It had been months since I last saw Ms. Rinsky.
She might not even remember me.
Hi, Ms. Rinsky. Frankie Heck. Brick's mom?
- Oh-ho-ho, not today. - She remembers me.
Like me to come back another time?
No. Sit. Talk.
Unburden yourself during my limited free time.
Okay.
Well, see, Brick got a D on his math test.
Sometimes kids get Ds, but not your son.
No, no. He has to be perfect at every single thing he does, right, Mommy?
I... You know, Ms. Rinsky, you're very funny.
Brick never mentioned how funny you are.
Are you helping him with his homework?
Oh, no. No. He does it all himself.
He's getting a D. Maybe you should help him.
Oh, no. We do. We do. We totally do.
It's just that we can't help him, because we don't really understand it ourselves.
Okay, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna set aside some extra time...
an evening next week to teach parents a math class.
Oh, that would be so...
Wait. What? A class for parents?
Is there a problem?
No. That just sounds like a lot of work.
For you.
Welcome, parents.
I'm sure we're all thrilled to be here on a night when The Mentalist is on.
But tonight we're gonna learn...
Excuse me. Ms. Rinsky?
How wonderful. An interruption.
Should we take notes or will there be handouts?
There'll be handouts. Now, as I was saying...
I'm gonna take notes anyway, just to be safe.
Brought a fresh notebook, heh.
- Oh, boy. - What?
Is that who you were in school? You were that person?
What person?
"Ms. Rinsky, should we take notes?"
You know, the suck-up, the goody-goody, the narc.
Well, if we have to be here, Mike, I wanna make the most of it.
And actually, I was very cool in school.
- Okay. - I was.
Am I gonna have to separate you two?
Please.
Let's face it. To teenagers, old people are like alien life forms...
from a faraway galaxy they don't really wanna visit.
How are things going in school?
- You're in, what, the second grade now? - Uh-huh. Eighth.
I'm actually working on a really big science project right now...
so that's why we have to leave in a little less than 14 minutes.
When I was your age, I used to love school.
I remember once we had to do this time capsule.
You know, fill it with important things and bury it in the backyard...
so we could dig it up when we were grown.
Really? And did you? Did you dig it up?
Oh, we moved before I could. What a shame.
You know, I think of it every day of my life.
- You have? - Mm-hm.
Oh, my God. That's so many days.
So if you look at number five in your handout...
using the chunking strategy, what is the answer?
- Seventy-four. - Hundred and twelve.
Excellent.
Mostly everybody.
Let me show you. You're thinking addition. Just...
I don't need help. I can do it.
Nice job, Mr. Heck. You get it.
Well, now that you explained it, it's coming pretty easy.
"Now that you explain it...
it's coming pretty easy."
Hoo. Ha. Hoo-ha-ha. Hoo. Ha.
Axl, ever since we got home, I can't stop thinking about Aunt Edie.
Ah. That bone spur thingy on her foot?
No, but, ew. You know what we need to do?
We should totally take her to dig up that old time capsule.
I'd love to drive my dork sister and senile aunt around, then dig a hole. Let's go.
Axl, you need to start thinking outside of yourself.
Look at Beyoncé.
She has every reason in the world to be selfish, and she still gives back.
Wouldn't it be amazing if we could find the capsule and make her dreams come true?
Sorry. My time is way too valuable.
Hoo. Ha. Hoo-ha-ha. Hoo.
Oh, I know this one.
Ha! I got one before you.
Oh, so you finally got one, did you, dear?
Why don't you come to the board and show us your work?
Oh, no, no, no. I'm good.
I wasn't asking.
Okay.
The answer is 185, so you need to add or subtract to make tens.
One forty-six plus four...
ahem, equals 150.
Thirty-nine plus one equals 40.
Okay, wait. Um, I'm supposed to be chunking, right?
I'll just start it all over.
Okay. Talk amongst yourselves, people. You don't have to be quiet for me.
This is silly. I know this. I really do. I mean, come on. It's third-grade math.
Then it shouldn't take long, dear...
because once you get this right, we can all go home.
Carry the one... Carry, uh...
Did you know I can name every president in order?
George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson...
James Madison, James Monroe...
Okay, so I sucked at the math class...
and it turns out I only knew 16 presidents.
But Mike and I were able to help Brick study for his big math test the next day.
And by "Mike and I," I mean mostly Mike.
Hey, you got it. Oh, I am so proud of you.
He got it, right?
Yup. High five.
Hey, Aunt Edie.
I got everything except the Scotch.
Guy at the liquor store still wouldn't sell it to me...
even with that note you gave me.
Aunt Edie.
Aunt Edie?
Aunt Edie? Hey. Hey.
I'm sorry. I never took you to find your time capsule, and now you'll never get to.
Oh! I'm so selfish. Why can't I feel like Beyoncé?
Stop caterwauling. And top off my drink.
Aunt Edie. You're alive!
- I am? - Yes!
And you know what? I'm gonna help you find your time capsule, heh.
Not tonight. Sean and Darrin are coming over.
We're punching each other in the stomach, firming up the core.
But tomorrow, we're gonna find that time capsule.
Oh, hey, when are you supposed to get your math test back?
Oh, I already got it.
Whoa, hold on. How'd you do?
Some might call it a very low D. Some might call it a D-minus.
What? You did worse?
Well, I was confident going in.
Ah, well. What are you gonna do?
This is nuts. What do you think happened?
I'll tell you what happened. Ms. Rinsky is what happened.
- She's just a bad teacher. - Hmm. Could be.
She intimidates people, Mike. I experienced it firsthand.
You can't do math with those cold, dead eyes staring at you.
- Brick probably melted down like I did. - Probably.
Maybe she was a good teacher when she was younger...
but now that she's older, she just doesn't care anymore.
Yeah. I'm a lot younger than her and I don't really care anymore.
She's jaded and burned out.
The last thing she should be doing is teaching kids that young.
But does the school system care that she creates a hostile learning environment?
No, because the school system is broken, Mike. It's broken.
- You're right. - Somebody should do something.
- They should. - Ah.
- Where you going? - Bed.
We're in the middle of a conversation.
Really? I was at the end. Night.
Well, maybe Mike could turn it off, but I was too worked up to sleep.
So I called my sister.
I mean, when a kid as smart as Brick gets a D-minus, something is wrong.
I called my mom.
When a kid as smart as Brick gets a D-minus, something's wrong.
And at 3 in the morning, I'd had enough talk.
Hey.
What are you doing up so early?
I never came to bed. I was too worked up.
So I made a few phone calls, I organized the junk drawer...
and then I fired off an e-mail to the principal about Ms. Rinsky.
You did what now?
Don't worry. It's good.
- You wanna hear it? - Mm-hm.
I made some very good points.
"Dear Principal Larimer:
I'm writing to bring to your attention an issue of concern...
for me as a parent." Huh?
"It regards one of your teachers, Ms. Rinsky.
I have tried repeatedly to have an open dialogue with her...
about my son's education...
but she has been completely uncaring and dismissive.
Today more than ever, don't we need teachers who are caring and missive?"
Okay, that might not be the right word, but wait, it gets better. Okay.
"Her teaching skills in math don't add up."
Hmm.
"Maybe because when she was born, the numbers only went up to ten."
Hmm. I don't remember writing that, but...
"If you wanna schedule a parent-teacher conference with her, good luck.
Best bet is scheduling it with the bartender at Beefsteak Charlie's.
Glug, glug."
Uh-oh. "Is this the kind of teacher you want at your school?
One who, instead of nurturing our children...
uses mind games and intimidation?
She would've made a fine Nazi.
Maybe she was. What do we really know about her?"
Oh, my God.
What was I thinking? How did this happen?
- Sounds like beer happened. - I only had four.
You once picked a fight with your reflection after two. Is there more?
No, that's it. "Sincerely, Frankie and Mike Heck."
What? You signed my name? Why would you sign my name?
Because this is your fault. You got me all pumped up by supporting me.
That's what husbands do.
Wives say they're gonna do stuff, and we listen and nod.
Right, that's being supportive.
No, that's avoiding a fight and getting to the TV faster.
I didn't think you'd ever do anything.
As long as I've known you, you've been all talk, no action.
You found a rat's foot in a can of chili and never wrote a letter.
I was just so mad at Ms. Rinsky.
Why are you talking about Ms. Rinsky?
It's nothing, honey. Everything's fine.
Well, I love Ms. Rinsky. She's great.
She gives us candy when we get the answers right.
Yeah, I know you like Ms. Rinsky, but she's not perfect.
Don't forget you got a D on that test.
Yeah, I'm thinking that might be because I only answered three questions.
- How many questions were there? - Forty-five.
Brick!
She said we'd have reading time when we finished the test.
- So I finished in five minutes. - You're lucky you got a D.
I know. Ms. Rinsky's the best.
So, Axl and Sue decided, whatever it took...
they were gonna help Aunt Edie find that time capsule. And it took a lot.
We've driven around this block a million times.
- Do you see your old house or not? - Not.
I think we need to go back to Wheeler's Market...
and make a left this time.
That's it. That's my house.
That's a taco stand, Aunt Edie.
We need to go back to Wheeler's Market and take a left this time.
Any of these look like your house, Aunt Edie?
Look for the boy who brings the ice. He'll know.
Well, thanks to that new high-speed Internet...
we tried out free for 90 days. The principal did get my e-mail...
and called to say she wanted to meet Mike and me as soon as we got off work.
- The Hecks, here for Principal Larimer. - Oh, you're Brick's parents.
He has Ms. Rinsky, doesn't he? Isn't she the best? I just love her.
Really? Heh, I just love my family members. I think it's a really overused word.
Aunt Edie, are you sure this is the right yard?
Mm-hm.
How many holes are we gonna dig? This is crazy.
I found this weird bone. It's either a cat leg or a finger.
It's freaking me out. Let's just get out of here before these people get home.
Axl, we can't stop now. We have come all this way, and why?
For Aunt Edie. To give her the one thing in her life she has always dreamed of.
Wait! I remember! It was a book.
You buried a book?
No. It was in a Nancy Drew book. She buried a time capsule.
And I always thought that I should do it, and I never did.
I'm digging a lot bigger hole.
I'll tell you one case Nancy Drew's not gonna solve.
- Who's out there? - Oh, run! Run!
Oh, look. Oh, Ms. Rinsky's here.
In our meeting.
Wow, you look so pretty.
- Is that a new top? - No.
Thank you for coming.
Whenever parents have a complaint, we take it very seriously.
Look, in our e-mail, my husband and I said a lot of things.
Really, it's just a bunch of words.
What words were you referring to?
"Drunk" or "Nazi"?
Name-calling aside, once these matters come to light...
we are mandated to address them promptly and swiftly.
Well, what's prompter than forgetting about it?
You know, I've already moved on.
This type of behavior will not be tolerated.
You have to be stopped.
I'm sorry. You're looking at me.
She's sitting over there.
We're looking at you, dear. We are all looking at you.
Whoa, hold on a second. This is starting to sound like it's about me.
- Let's take a look at your file. - I have a file?
- Mike. - Uh, in her defense, she was very drunk.
Besides harassing a teacher, you've also been:
"Overreactive," "mildly threatening," "demanding special attention."
Your "intimidating behavior creates a hostile learning environment."
I am not the one who's hostile. She's the one who's hostile!
Wait. Is that going in my file too?
Now, we're not going to recommend you leave the school...
because Ms. Rinsky would like to handle this directly.
Dear, I blame myself.
When you acted out, I should never have banned you.
I mean, I'm an educator. I believe in second chances.
Therefore, you are now the opposite of banned.
You're gonna be the new Room Mommy. Be in charge of the phone tree.
And the school's pets are gonna be yours on vacations.
And every Tuesday and Thursday, crossing guard.
Oh, come on.
And please, get help with your drinking.
Brick needs a mother.
Will do. Let's go, Frankie.
Ha, ha. Oh, my God, Aunt Edie.
I can't believe you just sprayed that guy right in the face.
That was nothing. I've been tear-gassed in the face. Ha, ha.
- What? Why? - Oh, we were at a jazz club...
and some of the white kids wanted to dance with the black kids.
Oh, my God. This is just like Hairspray.
And then the cops showed up and it turned into a riot.
- Whoa, a riot? - Yeah.
Sweet. Did anyone use nunchucks?
You know, I don't think so...
but that riot was something else and it reminded me...
So, Aunt Edie told them all about the riot, the moon landing...
and the time she saw Elvis buying double-A batteries at Wheeler's Market.
Maybe Axl and Sue didn't find the time capsule they were looking for...
but they ended up finding a better one.
And it turns out I had a little time capsule of my own.
A file, Mike?
Someone seriously has a file on me?
How do I go from being a person teachers always loved...
to a person with a file?
Well, maybe they didn't love you as much as you thought they did.
So, what are we gonna do about this crossing guard thing?
I take Tuesdays, you take Thursdays, and then we switch off?
What do you mean "we"?
Hey. I'm telling.
Of course you are, because you're a narc.